The power of choosing bliss over resentment.

A vulnerable share ☺️ exploring my holiday’s triggers with my partner. If you struggle with ‘triggers’ in your relationship, this is a great inspirational read.

New Year’s Eve is my favorite time of the year. I can remember as a little girl when my mom would facilitate this magical ritual where we wrote down on a piece of paper what we would destroy from last year that didn’t feel good or didn’t turn out good, and then we burned it. We also lit candles with specific wishes, desires, and outcomes we would love to welcome in the new year. We would have a big feast and celebrate the birth of a new cycle, new beginnings, and new breakthroughs.

New Year’s Eve and New Year’s Day rituals are traditions I have kept alive my whole life, even throughout every single relationship I ever had, my intimate partners learned to celebrate it with me and the importance it had for me.

This New Year’s Eve, something interesting happened. My partner Jacob chose to not be with me on this special day, a choice I would have considered in the past a ”deal breaker” if he chose that. This choice, in the past, would have given me a reason to create a variety of stories in my head about not feeling wanted and loved.

It may sound stupid and immature now, but in the past, it was a big deal. We have to realize that many times we truly don’t understand or care to understand the reasons for our triggers, behaviors and/or the moments where we create our new core beliefs about love and relationships. And not exploring deeply is what gets us into awful painful experiences with self and others.

So here we are, it’s the evening of New Year’s Eve, and my partner does not want to travel 1 hour to spend the evening with my family, because of several reasons. One of the reasons was logical and understandable, such as leaving our dogs by themselves on a night of fireworks because they truly get scared and cry a lot. But the others were reasons founded on his own comfort, such as not wanting to drive far to my family’s house, and not wanting to drive back to Sarasota too early in the morning to the Apple store to get his new phone (he lost his phone on his family holiday trip and was without a phone for over a week), or not feeling in the mood to spend a fun night lighting candles and making wishes, or something else that I may not have been aware of.

I found myself exploring within my triggers, and wounds, its reactions and responses that simultaneously rose up to the surface for me, to see them and properly address them. I observed myself and the many parts of me that wanted to create chaos, destruction and create guilt (lots of guilt towards my partner), and I took a big breath.

I saw my Radiant Seductress–the queen of seduction and manipulation–a part of me that uses sensuality and sex to manipulate and dominate. When Radiant Seductress communicates, she will make Jacob see and believe what he will miss out that night: all the fun, the sensual tantric kiss, and the punishment she will impose by taking away sensuality and sex for days or even weeks. The angrier Radiant Seductress becomes when her manipulation techniques don’t work, the longer the sensual and sexual punishment of rejection Jacob would face.

I saw my Abandoned Inner Child–the child that felt abandoned by a father who was a workaholic, putting work first before family, and the child that made up stories that she was not loved and didn’t belong anywhere. This child would make Jacob feel guilty, very guilty, super guilty if he chose himself instead of her.

I saw my ”Quemeimportista” (a Spanish word)–this is my rebel teen who doesn’t care about what you think or feel, to avoid getting hurt, avoid feeling pain and avoid feeling insignificant in someone else’s life. She will avoid at all costs feeling the pain and will make you believe she doesn’t care what you choose or not, even if it means choosing her or not.

I saw my Scorpio Dark Queen–the one that will get revenge at all cost. She will conquer other parts of me to protect them by getting revenge against those that caused their pain and suffering. She is the one that will look at you straight in your eyes and will shake energy in all directions to make you fear her beyond breath and pulse. She is the one that will show up successful in the middle of your worst nightmares. The one you would regret to ever cross her wrath.

Being able to feel grounded, safe, seen and heard, makes my communication with Jacob easy and truly blissful. It took me years to be able to communicate in a way that represents the way I know is possible when we are engaging with mindfulness. It took years for all the different parts (archetypes) of me to learn how to communicate internally our needs and fears in ways that will allow all of us to grow and evolve even more. At the same time, it has taken Jacob years of deep inner work to BE a safe space for true alchemy in our relationship.

Because all these parts of me have been embraced, accepted, and respected by me and Jacob, the profound ways I share my triggers, feelings, emotions, and energies are playful, peaceful, and liberating. It has been a mutual investment of time, energy, and resources to learn how to communicate in ways that birth more joy, bliss, and love in our lives.

Truly, listening to all parts of me communicating with Jacob in a way where he learns or recognizes which part of me is expressing emotions and why, is delicious to witness.

Expressions like:

”I will be upset if you don’t come but I do respect whatever you do”

”it is ok, but it is not ok”

”You can go but I really don’t want you to go”

”I will revenge this in the ways you will regret it, don’t go, I need you more”

”I will resent you when you are back, don’t you dare to make it ok or pretend nothing happen”

…are expressions that show us we are experiencing inner conflict within many parts of ourselves and their old unhealed wounds. These contradictions are an opportunity to be addressed and heal what we have ignored or avoided for years.

At the end of our conversation on that chilly New Year’s Eve, my Wise Priestess–the one who is centered, grounded and holds sacred space for alchemy and deep healing–said to Jacob:

“Please, whatever you choose to do tonight, staying at home or coming to my family’s, do it because it feels good to you, and is what YOU need. Please don’t do it because any part of me has convinced you to come, gained power over you, made you feel super guilty, or tricked you to believe ”ME” needs you. “ME” is the part of us that is selfish and self-centered and can fool you many times to think it is the conscious ”I”, some people refer to it as EGO.

I took a big breath in and I wished him a happy New Year, and at that moment I knew he was not going to come to my family’s place. I knew it was time for me to CHOOSE freedom over torture.

Choosing revenge and resentment is pure emotional and physical torture. Let’s remember we experience ten-fold whatever we give power and focus to. As someone who developed cancer because I was emotionally toxic with myself (read more about it and my healing process in my BIO), I am committed to not let toxic thoughts, emotions, and circumstances destroy the wellbeing of my body (in all realms and dimensions).

Since Jacob had no phone yet, I didn’t hear from him until the next day when he got his new phone. At this time I noticed something truly delightful. I noticed this peace and excitement at the same time to hear his voice and see him through a video call. I truly looked deep within myself for any signs of anger or resentment and I couldn’t find energetic cords of contracting vibrations. It felt truly delicious and liberating. From this place of freedom, I believe Jacob felt welcomed, loved, wanted, and desired; instead of guilty, ashamed, or even defensive. And on New Year’s Day, he decided to drive to my family’s place and spend the evening with my family watching romantic movies on Netflix. FUN FACT: In the state of Florida, a one hour drive is considered ”a far drive.” After a few years living in Florida, a 20-minute drive sometimes becomes a far drive too 😂😂.

To wrap this up, the power of self-awareness, communication, and boundaries with all aspects of ourselves, such as our Archetypes and Shadows, prepares us to co-create harmonious and conscious relationships with every person we interact with, especially with our romantic partners.

For the past 23 years, I have explored and observed the many parts of me, a practice I learned from my first Gnostic mentor. In the past two years, I have brought these observations, skills, and trainings on the subject to my work with clients from all walks of life, and the results and breakthroughs have been incredible. Helping others to observe, recognize, and embrace all parts of themselves, and what actually triggers their reactions and behaviors in their lives, relationships, and intimacy is so delicious to witness. Every time they connect with a part of themselves, even with their deep darkness, and embrace their precious gifts of feeling true freedom, it is the most iconic moment I can live for.

My relationship with my partner is delicious, but it’s not because we know the latest sex tricks, agree on everything or are perfect. Our relationship is delicious and liberating because we are free to be ourselves, knowing we are safe with each other and CAN communicate in ways that even the scariest conversations are actually blissful, alchemical, and we grow so much from them.

Jacob has witnessed my darkest archetypes and has held sacred space of non-judgment as I have done the same for him. A partner that can do that in all his or her true power is a partner that is a true keeper and worth choosing bliss over resentment every single time.

So now my question to you is: Do you know your relationships, sensuality, and sexuality archetypes and shadows? If you do, how are they influencing your life?

If you are interested in exploring how my work can help you in your life, relationships, and intimacy, reach out to me because I am enrolling clients in both my online programs and my in-person programs.

~ Lucia Gabriela ~

 

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