The last time I saw him in my dreams, he said…”Love, it doesn’t matter how it happens” Beginning….. Feeling within self, I looked to the right. There he was, Beautiful soul, gentle smile ~ looking at me in wonder. Wonder of who I am and what I do, Wonder to see if I can help him. With no strings attached and treating him like another brother or sister, I engage, I share, I offer, I give, I help. Ah, if I could just get back to that time to enjoy it more, a little bit more. Ah, if I could just have stared into his eyes a little bit longer. Ah, if I could just have touched his body a lot longer. At that time, nothing has arisen, Just love for a beautiful soul who wants to heal. I go back to the arms of my beloved. I kiss, I hug, I smile, I love. A few weeks later we meet again, this time with a plan of 10 days to explore more while we attend a life event we both have said yes to. Now, the attraction starts ~ this time a lot deeper. Looking at his eyes, Looking at his soul, Looking at his life, I observe in wonder. Ah, If i could have just looked a little longer, Ah, if I could have just enjoyed his soul a little longer. Ah, if I could have just been fully present a little longer. Waking up to beautiful concoctions of constellations, moon and sun in a different bed, I started feeling this attraction, I started feeling this connection, I started feeling this desire, I started feeling this allowing, Allowing to explore, Allowing to be his lover. Sun is present, Moon has gone, so did the stars. Tasting delicious fruit, Sipping warm water, Smelling delicious roses, I sit back and I look at him preparing for his day. Ah, if I could have just tasted a lot longer, If I could have just smelled aromas a lot longer, If I could have just been fully present a lot longer. The days and nights we explore more, My body, mind, heart and soul were in joy. We explored, we felt, we kissed, we touched, We didn’t make love. Ah, if I could have just explored a little more, Just a little more. We couldn’t, I am an unavailable woman, He is an available man with unavailable time. Can I be in love with another man? If I could have just kissed a little longer, If I could have just touched a little longer, If I could have just held him a little longer. He was my muse for all that time, I fell in love with his commitment for life, I fell in love with his passion to help others, I fell in love with his desire to grow and evolve, I fell in love with his soul, I fell in love with his eyes, I fell in love with his heart, I fell in love, I just did. Time has passed, I still think of him, I have tried to write a different story to not suffer with this love. The more I find ways to keep him away from my thoughts, he is present more. Then I surrender, I embrace it and feel the love. How can I be in love with another man? It just happens. It just happens to be. To create a different story, I ask different questions: Am I in love or living infatuation? Am I in love for who he is or for what he represents? Am I in love without attachments or with attachments of what I can get from him? I have re-written many stories answering many questions. I feel in love, I feel attraction, I feel in love. For 5 days in a row, he has come to my dreams to talk and be. Each time he was distant and unavailable to me, Last night he showed up, it was different. He was distant and then came closer to tell me: “I was waiting for it to be done, to have time” In my dream we hold hands, play as kids, Jump into the water, cuddle in and get closer. This time I know I want to stay present, focused, and held a little longer. We touch, We kiss, We hold each other. Guilty of loving another man, Guilty of being in love with another man, Guilty of allowing myself to explore. He looks at me in the eyes, which I will never forget, With his deep hazel eyes, the doors of his soul. I surrender, I feel, I am present. I listen with my heart. “Love, it doesn’t matter how it happens” And then he goes away, My alarm goes off, I turn around and look at my beloved in gratitude and love, Because he has witnessed me in this journey, my exploration, my journey, my pain, and my breakthroughs. End…..? Can I be in love with another man? Yes, I can, but for now…. We both are unavailable. ~~~~~ Relationships are a great sacred space to explore love. If there is no communication in the relationship of your own fantasies, desires, and dreams, because of fears of what could happen, how your partner will react to them, and rejection from society as immoral… there is a big chance that the relationship itself is not built with strong foundations and values. These types of relationships keep all participants trapped in a cage, where they don’t experience the freedom their soul thrives with, and finally they end in toxic ways. It is important to express all aspects of ourself and be fully responsible in how we communicate and how we respond to the reaction. Many times some truths are not pleasant to talk about or listen to, but these are the greatest moments in which we make our relationships stronger. So what fantasy, dream, desire, or truth do you have, and have you felt afraid to share it with your partner? Allow yourself to share little by little, and test the waters in how open you can be ~ you will be surprised that sometimes we make it look worse than it actually is, and maybe your partner has fantasies, dreams, and desires too. And when you share ~ you allow them to feel free to be themself, safe in your arms once more, safe to share. If you need help, I am here to help. 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