Every 109 seconds, an American is sexually assaulted. Every 8 minutes that victim is a child.*
The innocence has been lost,
The magical sexual awe has been destroyed,
The trust in self and others has faded away,
The body has dissociated from itself,
The heart has built walls to protect itself,
The mind has created a reality that confuses and paralyzes self desires.
We don’t feel our body,
We don’t feel alive,
We don’t feel our worth,
We feel less and never good enough,
We see our body as flesh of injustice,
We hate our body and cannot stand looking at it.
We fear we cannot break this curse,
We sense no power from within,
We don’t recognize who we truly are,
We walk in life like zombies; no purpose ~ just getting by.
Even when we try so hard to let it go, the memories still haunt us on cold sweaty nights.
We want to forgive and forget,
Trust us ~ we try, we try very hard…
We don’t see how, since the pain has not gone away, or it’s absolutely numb.
I want to be sensual but I am afraid to be hurt again.
I want to be sexual but I feel ashamed to even want it.
I want to feel my body and pleasure myself but I am afraid to feel the pain again.
I want to feel like a woman in her wholeness, is that even possible?
I want to forget all of this, but it’s not letting me!
I cannot speak about this with anyone because I will be seen as weak,
I don’t know who to turn to,
I feel broken,
I want to end this misery,
How can I end this?
I have been protecting myself all my life, I am tired of this…
I want to trust my partner but I don’t know how to ~ would they understand?
I want to feel alive again, do I deserve it?
I have tried to move forward, but I have moved nowhere.
I have put a bandage on this wound which is killing my soul each day,
And I attract more pain, I don’t know how to stop!
Should I stop trying?
Should I give up?
Should I stop desiring to feel alive once and for all?
I want to be myself,
I want to reclaim my power ~ the one that has been taken away from me,
I want to own my voice and release the anger that is holding me back from speaking with love and embodying love.
I want to embody my sensuality, the one part of me that is screaming to rise,
as the rising Phoenix that has always been within me.
I want to proclaim my freedom,
create the life that I want and desire,
with nothing… absolutely nothing holding me back.
I want to restore and claim my pure innocence,
I want my sexuality for my own pleasure and bliss,
I want to align with my power,
I want to align with my essence,
I want to experience true freedom,
I want my voice to be heard,
I want to heal this and
l want it now!
I am claiming my power today.
Copyright 2016 Lucia Gabriela.