Attracting unavailable men, why me again?

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I give you my all,
I crave you,
I desire you and
I do everything to deserve your love..

I love you more than I have loved myself,
I put you first before I and
All I get is part of you.
Really?

I want to be loved by
the whole of you,
your heart,
your body,
your infinite power,
I love you…(sights)
Please, could you?

I want to love you without walls between us,
Touch you softly with my heart and body,
Make love to you in many ways in many realms.
But it seems impossible…

I feel you distant in the wake up of the morning,
I feel you disconnected in the dark night,
I don’t see you,
I don’t sense you,
Where are you?

My heart aches,
It is in so much pain,
Does love have to feels this way?

Unavailable love…

I feel HELL, I want to feel in HEAVEN again,
It has been so long since I truly felt you,
What happened?

We lost the sparkle, where has it gone?
We lost the love, where has it gone?

I see you, I cannot feel you…
What a torture!

I am being tortured every day,
What way to relive HELL.
What happened?

Trying to understand, I went away.
Trying to connect, I went inward.
Trying to live, I asked for help,

Oh infinite SELF, please help me
I want to be loved the same way I love him,
Watching the sunrise on the horizon
I hear a WHISPER….

Want to be loved the same way YOU love SELF?

My heart opens up into tears,
For the first time I saw what I have not being doing my whole life,
I wasn’t loving SELF.

I have been expecting to receive love from others when I haven’t given that love to SELF.
I have been asking for something I haven’t being able to give to SELF.
I have been wanting fulfillment from others when I haven’t fulfilled SELF first.

I have put him above me when the journey of love is side by side.
I have prioritized his desires before meeting mine.
I have craved his body and touch when I haven’t pleasured mine.
I have disconnected from SELF and then wonder why all my partners I have been in relationships with are the same men with different faces and names.

Tears roll down my cheeks,
Breathing the love of source, I give myself permission to immerse myself in this journey of loving SELF first,
My heart is in gratitude…. Never felt this way,
It feels so damn good,
An orgasmic feeling of ecstasy and joy to penetrate the depth of SELF.

I sit for infinity, staying with this feeling
Oh, feels so good, so good,
Never felt this way before.

I opened my heart with the WHISPER,
I listened and allowed,
I am committed to being available to SELF and nurture our love.

A new SELF LOVE journey has started,
Delicious in every way ~
What I have seen, done, sensed, and experienced has being cosmic and beyond.

Loving SELF first is the core to attracting an amazing lover into my life, a lesson we learn the hard way.

 

Copyright 2016 Lucia Gabriela.